Learning How To Not Give A F**k

Learn how living without fear leads to the path of liberation and see how by living freely, happily and without a care as to what other people might think, say and feel about us, we can set ourselves free.

By learning how to not give a f**k we give ourselves permission to liberate the parts of self that have been too scared to truly show themselves in fear of being judged. We can begin by doing this right away, by not judging ourselves as strongly as we do.

In a study of psychology, a case study was run to see how people reacted to others criticising them, but more importantly it was to see at which point that criticism became unacceptable. The results revealed that only when someones judgement or criticism was given beyond how the participant might treat themselves (the inner critic), would they say enough is enough. This shows that if we change the way we talk to ourselves, we change the way we live our lives. And we can change the way we live by loosening the restrictions we put on ourselves in order to play a role for someone else's benefit.

What are the ways to take back your freedom:

  1. Stop worrying what others might think of you

  2. Speak your truth

  3. Be kind to yourself

What might happen if self-acceptance and self-love prevailed over self-judgement?

We might well see that judgement and self criticism become a thing of the past and a new way of living presents itself.

By Learning How To Not Give A F**k we allow ourselves to be free. And as we free ourselves, we allow others to free themselves too. People are often looking outwards to seek strength in those who are liberated. What if that person was you?

If we live truthfully and authentically we are serving not only ourselves, but others too. Firstly we choose to live in love and truth, where we honour authentic relating to the self and to the other, and in doing so, we invite others to do the same.

How many of us care what other people think? Of what other people might say about us? Of who they are saying it to? If they like me? Can they forgive me? Do they understand me? On and on it goes.

This never ending dialogue between the part of self who's too afraid to show itself but judges the self who succumbs to those doubts and wears another mask in order to be liked, is keeping us chained and shackled in fear.

How much time do we lose justifying ourselves to the same self who judges us? And How much more time do we still want to lose?

I've spent many years walking a path feeling like I had to be the good son, the good brother, the all-to-available friend, the happy-go-lucky-long-haired-free-travelleing-hippy who can never be sad or angry or down. 'How could he be?' They said. 'Look at his life!'

And it's true, how can I be? No-one else is making me feel that way.

Sure there are some expectations from the past or some common ground to meet family members on, but in truth, it's me causing all the misery by trying to live behind a mask that's always trying to be good and always trying to be liked.

I remember having mild panic attacks when someone used to disagree with me, or confront me, or question an opinion I had or an answer I'd given. I would feel so deeply judged when someone disapproved of one of my actions, said that I'd hurt them or would not want to be my friend.

It tugged at the scared little boy within who only ever wanted to be 'good', who went to every extreme to make everyone else happy but who forgot how to make himself happy too. I was always available, prided myself on it in fact, and found it almost impossible to say no. I had no script at hand, I hadn't rehearsed a no so a yes always came, even when I knew it wasn't what I wanted but justified it by saying that the other did.

Years and years went by like this.

Then I remembered seeing someone truly liberated from these demons and I felt such envy and awe at their courage to do so.

What will it take for me to be that free? How are they doing it?

In my blog post on How To Manage Social Anxiety I spoke about ways to cope with living with anxiety and gave advice on some techniques that I use that have helped me through some difficult times. But living with anxiety isn't liberating us from it so that's why I decided to follow up on that blog with a more radical way to heal if people are ready.

And that way is - Learning How To Not Give A F**k.

How Do We Free The Mind?

For some, it might sound reckless, careless and selfish. And if it's acted in a way that responds from a place of fear or anger, not giving a f**k can be devastating. So, I can see how those emotions might cause such a response.

But when I speak of not giving a f**k it's from a place of love. Love for the self. Love for the other. Love for life. Love for liberation and love for freedom. In learning how not to worry what other people think about me, what they might say, if I'm being too loud, too shy, too funny, not funny enough, too fat, too thin, too confident, not confident enough - I learn to be authentic.

We learn how to let ourselves be free in every moment, granting permission for the full spectrum of emotions to flow, from laughter to tears, and we invite others to meet us with their authentic self. We not only liberate ourselves in learning how to not give a f**k, we invite others to liberate themselves too. As for me, there's no greater gift one human can give to another.

What can happen if we learn to let go?

By getting out of the way and walking the path authentically, some magical changes can start to happen. You might learn how to laugh fully, to cry openly, to hug a stranger, to smile at the man or woman you are attracted to, to get rejected, to flirt, to experiment. You might learn how to shout out your frustration, to shake in the street to move blocked energy, to sing at the top of your lungs, to swim naked in the ocean, to dance like no-ones watching, to eat with your fingers, to not laugh at joke you don't find funny, to stand up to someone who you disagree with, to protect a child, to say I am beautiful, I am strong, I am powerful. To pull a funny face, to be vulnerable, to be ugly, to whisper secrets into your lovers ear, to make love without inhibition, to speak of your fantasies, to say I love you, to finally admit that you were wrong and that you are sorry. And you might just learn how to do all of these things once you let go, surrender and give yourself permission to live.

Deep down, we all just want to be witnessed, to be seen and to be loved. And to witness another, to see another and to love another. So be courageous and let the world witness you. Shine brighter than ever before and invite others to shine brighter too. By freeing ourselves and learning how not to give a f**k, we soon see that we become far more compassionate, far more relatable, far more joyous, loving and freer than ever before. We see we no longer have expectations for another but instead, we meet them as they are, in the moment they are in, and we allow ourselves to be exactly who we are too - in love, in freedom, in honour.

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